She's the only reason why i want to succeed.

♥Saturday, October 18, 2008 @ 2:38 PM

i know i've been a pathetic bitch recently.
i had a breakdown yesterday.
obviously, all down by myself.
who on earth would understand my feeling.
yes, my friends can be my listening ear. but have ever they put them self in my shoe ?
Have they ?

yesterday i was kindda happy that i still manage to get top 10, as this year is a tough year, everyone is fighting for it.
i wanna tell my parents.
but what would they react ?
usually they would be , " orh, really ar ? oh, ok "
Then you will be like wtf.

after exams, there is more things to be lastly done, as a class chairperson.
i had to make a card.
i have to make sure that the breakfast with teachers works.
i had to get the chalet done.

if not, i've failed as a class chairperson.

yesterday, during the few minutes before training.
there was only 3 pathetic juniors.
i was like 0.0
where the others ?

GUESS WHAT ?!
none of the juniors came down for the training.
aren't they pathetic ?
during my time, yes, even my batch this kind of thing.
atl eats the least amount that came, ONLY 5 !
but this is one is damn jialat la.
only 11 came down for training.

even for other cca, their juniors had never done that to their seniors.
the basketball, the ncdcc, the scouts.
all their juniors came.
ours, NONE ?

I know i am not the best player on court.
but coming down for training will never kill me.
at least, you would faint, due to the tough training.
but it would be a rare case, obviously.

this few days, i've been close to the people who i am not close too, before.
the relationship with me and the people who i always with will try to fade away.
i will not be shocked if my relationship with the people i'm closed to, would fade away.
if this things continue, i swear, it will end off.

i'm getting tired of people complaning about me.
i've got no close friends in class.
i'm too close to the netballers.
cause i'm an NA student when there is exam for NA or what, i would be left all alone.
but my teamates doesn't feel what i suffer.
whenever i keep on talking about the classes about what they are going, they would remind me that i'm an NA student.
i felt hurt when i heard that. of course, who wouldn't ?
sometimes, i would rather make friends with the NA students.
we have the same thoughts and feeling toward studies.
we will not criticize each other because we have the same destiny.

i've been hurting deep inside.
i will locked the door and cry like nobody cares.
and try to look messy, as though i just woke up from sleep.
i've been looking happy in school, but deep inside, i was trying to control myself from having a breakdown.
even the person i'm closes to, doesn't understand me.

p/s: try to put yourself in my shoe, and feel what i am suffering right now.